Respect And Honesty

So I’ve been mulling this over for more time than it’s really worth. But if I want to get it out of my head, it’s time to do the work to sort it out, deal with it and move on.

I’ve been feeling a smidge disrespected. I know, I know, shame on me for letting it happen. I make a conscious effort to accept, practice gratitude and move on with things that don’t do me any good, but sometimes I just have to get it out of my system. Hey, I’m human. I was prompted to pen this piece after something happened (or rather didn’t happen) a short time ago and while planning it all out, it got me thinking about common courtesies in general. What you’re about to read is something I’m sure everyone has come face to face with and I’m truly hoping that this will inspire you to be and do better in the future.

The Coles Notes version is that I value my time. After speaking to a friend of mine, we made a phone date to discuss some business and cover off questions. I called, she didn’t answer. I waited, called back and was sent to voicemail. Now you’re all caught up. I’ve decided that in this case rejection is protection and it wasn’t meant to be and while I’m not in a hurry to get in touch with her again, my feelings were hurt. I know someday we will talk about it face to face, but until that time comes, this will have to do. This is what I’d like to tell her…

Here’s what you know. We chatted and booked some time to meet over the phone. I called you at the time we committed to and you didn’t answer. I left a message so you would know (in case your call display had bunked out) that I held up my end of our agreement. So I waited 10 minutes because I understand life happens and then tried you again. Fun Fact: When you decline a call on your smartphone, the caller knows. And the caller knows because the ring suddenly cuts out and you end up at the voicemail barbed-wire fence. I didn’t leave a message this time tho. I hung up and sent a quick text. Now I can’t say for sure, but based on the frequency of your Facebook posts and the amount of times I’ve seen you with your eyes glued to your phone, I’m pretty sure you got the text. And read it. And chose not to respond. And listened to (or maybe just deleted) the voicemail. It’s cool.

Here’s what you don’t know. When I booked that time with you, that time slot was also requested by someone else shortly after. I booked them for the next day instead because I had already committed that time to you. When I booked that time with you, I did it against my better judgement because it’s normally the time I tuck my kids into bed. But because I respect you, your schedule and your availability, I gave you that time and instead I tucked them in a few minutes earlier. And for the record, all three were super understanding about it because they know and adore you and the older two thought that you could really benefit from what we were supposed to talk about. I accept responsibility for my choices in this, but I really thought you were better than this?

Here’s what I don’t understand: If you had no intention of answering the phone, why did you say yes? I don’t get offended when people say no to me. Seriously, I’m not just saying that. I’d much rather someone be honest with me than tell me what they think I want to hear. Someone saying no to me doesn’t mean they’re rejecting me personally (at least I don’t think so?), they’re just not on board with what I’m suggesting. And I’m totes cool with that. But you hurt my feelings. It’s been a couple weeks and I still haven’t heard a peep from you. Rest assured, I won’t make this same mistake with you again.

I’m not sure when or why it happened, but I think we have moved to a point in our society where some (not all!) folks have stopped respecting the time of people in general. Maybe it’s just a lack of respect period? Straight up, here’s a little tip everyone should put into action PDQ: If someone asks you to do/hear/write/play/drink/eat/insert-applicable-verb something and you really don’t want to, be honest. Be a grown up and (nicely) decline upfront. There is no need to string someone along and waste their time. As I’m sure you’re aware, time is a precious commodity and once it’s gone, it can’t be replaced. Bonus Tip: If you want someone to respect you and your time, you need to respect others and their time. Pulling no-shows for anything says a lot more about you than you think.

I suppose while I’m on my soapbox, I’ll cover a couple other little annoyances. Let’s start with Facebook messages. Everyone has a message inbox on Facebook. Most know how to operate it and even if you decide not to download and use the messenger app, you are still notified when you get a message. Guess what? When someone sends you a message and you open it, it time stamps it. And the sender can see said time stamp. Interesting hey? Instead of reading and ignoring a message that someone sends you, just respond. It’ll likely take you less than 5 minutes. Is it really that difficult? Again, you are free (encouraged) to be honest, just be a good human being. Avoiding it or the person that sent it just creates bad vibes and no one needs those. People need to seriously grow a pair. When did honesty or the concept of it become so taboo?

How about social media event invites? Anyone ever send or receive one of those? While I’m not a huge fan of these particulars doodads, I will say they can be incrediblly convenient, but I always follow up those invites with a phone call. I like that extra personal touch because I love my people. If you don’t want to go, just respond with no. Why ignore it? There’s a common courtesy that appears to have gone by the wayside. Taking 3 seconds to click on ‘Don’t Go’ isn’t going to break hearts. Hell, you don’t even need to make up an excuse that you’re getting your cat baptized that day. I know for me that when I invite people to something, it’s because I truly want to see them and spend time with them, not because I’m doing a mass invite hoping that just ONE person will actually show up. And for those of us that like to plan to make sure there is enough wine and food to satiate the appetites of our booze-thirsty buds, a little heads up on the RSVP is really appreciated. I was always taught that a good host never runs out of anything! Aaaannnnnndddd…when you come to stuff that I host, I’m so much more likely to make the effort to come to the things you host.

Alright I think I’m done, for now anyways. If you commit to something, show up. If you really don’t wanna do it, say no thanks. I promise that people will respect you more for your honesty. As always, I’m grateful for the lesson, but please don’t let your anonymous presence on the internet change the beautiful things about you.