The Truth About Positivity

Being positive doesn’t mean you live in Candyland. Positive people have real problems. They get angry. They challenge people and fight hard for what they believe in. Positivity is not about wearing rose-colored glasses and rolling over when the going gets tough. It’s about being strong. It’s about being self-aware and accountable for your emotional state.

I saw this today and fell in love with the words and the facts. I’m pretty protective of my emotional state, my mental well-being and everything in between. Over the last couple of months, my way of thinking and behaving have been ridiculed. I’ve been chastised for my beliefs and positive disposition. What I’ve found is that when you challenge the reason that is causing someone to feel a particular way, they don’t always like it. It’s really ok that it makes them look at you sideways because you’re introducing them to a way to detach from the situation and really examine what’s going on. What’s not ok is when they try to turn the tables and cut you down to a level that they’re more comfortable working on. When that happened a few times recently, I took it hard. And very personally.

I went from empathetic to feeling hurt and attacked and it pissed me off. I chose to walk away from the conversations before I said or did something that my future self would likely regret. Because I reacted so…out of character, I figured that I needed to explore it at least a little. I’ve always believed that while I’m not responsible for what comes out of someone else’s mouth or how they react to the things I say, I am very responsible for my words, my actions and my reactions. Seems pretty straightforward, yes? I’m “normal” in the sense that I experience frustration, irritation and anger. But I don’t deal with those things the way most people do. Instead of pointing fingers at outside sources, I go in. I work to understand my awareness of what’s happening and then really look at why I’m responding in a particular way.

I’ve seen many lessons repeated over the years, but one that’s been proven to me time and time again is that you always get what you want. I’m not talking about the hundreds or thousands of fleeting thoughts that run through your mind on a given day. Your subconscious mind works with the universe to give you exactly what you believe you deserve. I can understand why you’re thinking that I’m nuts right about now because I thought it was certifiable the first few times I read about it and saw it in action. As it turns out, it’s one of those universal laws that exist. There are so few people that really understand the power of things like this. I’m a bit of a slow learner in this department, but I’m making strides and gaining knowledge and understanding. Have you ever noticed that when you’re having a bad day, a shit storm seems to rain down on you from all angles? Let’s roll out an example: You snooze your alarm clock a few too many times and end up getting up super late. In your haste to get in the shower, you stub your toe on the corner of the doorframe so hard it feels like you broke it. You finally get into the shower to discover there’s no more hot water so you’re hurrying as fast as you can to be in and out of there before you end up with hypothermia. From there you get dressed and, after a mirror check, you realize your shirt has some unidentifiable gunk on it so you try to get it off with a washcloth quickly as you run down the stairs to make a to-go cup of coffee only to find there is no coffee in the house. You get into you car and as you pull out of the driveway your low gas light comes on which means if you don’t stop soon, you’ll never make it to where you need to be. Once you get gas, traffic has piled up and is pretty much at a standstill. So instead of taking a deep breath and attempting to change your frequency and breathe some light and life into this less-than-awesome start to your day, you begin to bitch and mutter under your breath about how stupid this all is, how you’d rather just climb back into bed and forget this day ever started and blah blah blah. And now you’re stuck. The shittier your mood gets, the shittier your day gets. While you’re focused on this being the worst day of your life, the universe is working to give you exactly what you want. See how that works? The irony is as real as the struggle people.

I think that being able to see the rainbow in situations is a necessary life skill, albeit a challenging feat at times. Children have it, but seem to lose it as they get older. Have you ever watched a baby or toddler work to figure something out for the first time? It’s wonderful. They try, try and try some more until they master that skill and then they move on to the next one. They may experience temporary frustration when it’s not working out their way, but they keep at it. Not succeeding is not an option for them. That positive persistence is something that has the power to be a game/life/situation changer for many. But most don’t see it that way. And for some that do figure it out, they think it’s too much work to adjust their thought and belief patterns that they take the easy way out and keep it business as usual.

Choosing positivity doesn’t make me naïve. It means that I have the ability to explore a situation to see what it has to offer. There is something good in everything, but how you look at or perceive it will determine what you find. And if you ask me a question and I respond with a question to help you get those wheels turning, don’t roll your eyes at me.

The truth of the matter is that people act poorly towards others because they are hurting, confused, resentful or all of the above. That’s the reality they choose to remain in and it’s got nothing to do with you. People live and die by their belief system. Even if it appears flawed (just because that might be your opinion doesn’t make it fact FYI), they will defend it over and over. Love them, breathe life into them and accept them for where they are at. In some cases you just need to forgive them without ever having received an apology.

But remember that when you forgive someone, it doesn’t mean you’re letting them off the hook. It means that you’re letting yourself off the hook. Forgiveness isn’t about being nice to them. It’s about being nice to yourself. I’m sure your past, present and future self would really appreciate that. You get to decide if you want to be happy or right because you can’t always have it both ways.