The Bathing Suit Perspective

The family and I snuck away for a quick little getaway this week, so as I write today, I’m chilling on a lovely balcony overlooking a golf course, countless vineyards and soaking up all the vitamin D my body can handle. It’s beautiful here. It’s always wine o’clock (my favorite time of day), the minutes tick by slower and there’s no rushing. Seriously. Those that know me understand the rarity in that particular piece alone. It’s glorious and I’m learning slowly how to actually relax. I’m still keeping up with the things that need my attention, but I don’t feel as though my personal and professional life will fall apart if I don’t answer that text, email or phone call RIGHT NOW. And I’m kinda digging it.

This particular holiday has been a learning experience for me in many ways. We decided to take a road trip. Brave, right? I’ve got 3 kids who are so vastly different it’s confusing at times and a husband that doesn’t find it easy to just sit and put his feet up. Add to that a wife that doesn’t play passenger in a moving vehicle very easily and you’ve got yourself all the makings for a handful of interesting times.

When we decided to take our 11 hour road trip, there were a few things I had to decide for and about me. Was I going to be the person I’m used to being? The somewhat uptight, lets-just-get-where-we’re-going-and-then-the-holiday-can-begin pain in the ass. Or was it time to reexamine my ways, get a little uncomfortable and attempt something a little against the grain for me? It’s been a hectic year thus far and I was beginning to feel like I was spinning my wheels and continuing to sink in the same place I’ve been for a while. I understand the definition of insanity well so I figured a little shake up couldn’t hurt nearly as much as plugging away and not actually moving forward.

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve discovered that I have a harder time relaxing. Seems that my brain likens any sort of downtime to being unproductive and slacking off as an adult and not being a good grown up. Let’s be honest here: there is always SOMETHING that needs done. Whether it’s something to do with the kids, spouse, house or something on the business front, there is something that can (should?) be done at every interval of the day. And maybe that’s why it’s been a while since I last wrote. I’ve been feeling uninspired. At the end of the day, my google analytics tells me how many people are seeing these entries, but it doesn’t tell me about the impact, if there is one. I like to think I’m making an impact. I choose to believe that someone somewhere sees this and finds comfort in knowing they’re not alone. I believe that someone is letting my hindsight be their foresight and will learn the lessons I share faster than I was ever able to. And more than anything, I want you all to understand that your success in life is determined by you. It has nothing to do with what anyone else thinks or tries to measure you against.

Anyhow, back to the vacation. This one needed to be different. I wanted to be different. I’ve spent so much time and energy wrapped up in my own shit. Body image crises, insecurities, wardrobe malfunctions, parenting wins and fails, personal and professionals let downs…the list is endless. My Facebook, Twitter and Instagram feeds have been full of my amazing people making fabulous memories with their friends and families this summer. I’ve loved every status, every picture and every video. I love that people share these great highlights. What makes me most happy when I see all these shares is that everyone is in the shots laughing, smiling and having a great time. They’re making the most of their moments. Seeing it all really made me think about my own situation. I tend to hang back a bit and be an observer and I didn’t realize how much I did this until the week before we left for our vacay. My little prince and I went shopping because I needed a new swimsuit. (The last one I had picked up was months before we went to Florida for 2 weeks last year.) On that particular trip, I never got a chance to jump in the pool we had or swim in the ocean because the suit was huge on me when I put it on. Part of me was disappointed, but I was mostly relieved. I now had an excuse not to be in the pool having fun with everyone else. I truly did want this trip to be different so my four year old and I were out shopping for something that would actually fit me. Now if you’ve ever been shopping with a four year old you know how honest they can be and you also know that the honesty they offer can be really fantastic or really hard to hear. So he helped me pick a few out to try on and we head into the change room. He hands his pick to me because that’s really the only one that matters to him, the hell with what I thought I wanted. So I put it on and waited to hear his thoughts. When I told him he could turn around and see it, I wish I could have taken a picture of his face. His eyes lit up and his smile was so big as he clapped his hands and began to jump around the change room. He gave me a great big hug and said, “Oh Mommy it’s perfect!! You look so beautiful!”

I took a deep breath and turned to face my reflection in the mirror. Trying on bathing suits is never something I’ve enjoyed much. I’ve always been incredibly hard on myself and have never really loved myself the way I should. It’s something I’m working on and I’m a helluva lot better than I used to be. As I looked myself over in the full length mirror, all I could focus on was how happy and excited my son was. With his reaction to me in that swimsuit, I couldn’t help but be excited to see what he saw. He was so confident that I would love his pick that it was contagious. For the first time in my memory, I smiled at my reflection and realized I loved what he had chosen. And I loved how he made me feel. I scooped him up into a hug and told him that I didn’t need to try anymore on, that this was the one coming home with us. He was so happy, he started to giggle. That got me going and we sat on the floor of the change room and just laughed. As we walked up to the till to pay for it, he announced to the girl working that he had found his mommy a super duper bathing suit and I was going to wear it when we went swimming together on vacation. She smiled and told him he had excellent taste and he danced his way out of the store. From that moment until we lefty he city, everyone within arm’s reach knew he had picked out the best bathing suit ever and that he was taking his mommy swimming.

This tiny little trip to the store ended up being something so much bigger for me. It made me realize how much I had sat out of because of my hang ups. At the end of the day, my kids don’t give a rats ass what I look like in a bathing suit. All they care about is the fact I put one on and jumped in the pool with them. For the record, we swam our hearts out and I totally won the water hand stand competition.

Of course the opportunity to apply new learnings didn’t stop there. This time on the way to our vacation destination, we made stops along the way. We had a leisurely lunch, a little run around a park, a wander through a very cool roadside shop. While I get that this may not be a big deal for you, it’s a momentous step forward for me. I took time to slow down. I took time to actually enjoy the journey. And man, did I ever enjoy it. We took ridiculous Polaroid pictures by silly statues and signs. We ate ice cream. We fed goats. We went Pokemon hunting. And yes, I am having a blast.

It’s ironic how much your perception of situations changes when you make the decision to see things differently. Who would have thought that shopping for something as simple as beach wear would give me so much perspective? Clearly I didn’t or I may have made that trip a loooooong time ago. Journeys are meant to be enjoyed. They may not always be easy and breezy, but they are pretty damn fantastic when you remain open to the possibility of making every day the greatest day ever.

This vacation has definitely been different, but it’s the best kind of different. Tomorrow we’re off to the beach and I’m going to rock the hell out of that bathing suit.