The Holiday Hustle

I could have sworn we just celebrated Christmas, no? I remember my big sigh at bedtime last December 25 and the feeling of completion that washed over me, realizing that we were the farthest from next Christmas that we could possibly be. Now here we sit, mid-December and the holiday crazy is in full swing. And I’m sitting here trying to figure out why the general population works themselves into such a frenzy over this holiday.

As I scroll through my newsfeed on Facebook, I see funny holiday memes, a ton of references to copious amounts of alcohol needed to get through the season, people out shopping for crap that no one really “needs”, whining that certain “hot buys” are sold out everywhere and a general grumble about all the places to be and people to see. And I giggle. Not because I relate to any of it, but because I have never seen such a sad list of first world problems. So I’m going to caution you now that if you have no desire to grab a beverage, a comfy chair and stay with me through this lengthy read, now is the time to sneak away.

I’m sure I’ve made mention of this before (and we all know that I’ll likely mention it a number of times over the course of my years) everything comes down to choices. And if you’re sitting there reading this preparing to burn me at the stake because some of these aren’t your particular choices, then perhaps you should look at setting proper boundaries. I will explain, I promise. Just keep reading…

I think sometimes people forget to remember to be grateful for their blessings. If you have a home to live in with appropriate temperature controls, electricity to power your lights and other such things, food in your belly/pantry/fridge/cupboards and the love of even one person, then you are more fortunate than about 80% of the people in this world.

Let’s talk gifts. I can sympathize with wanting to find that perfect something for a special someone. I’ll admit in years passed, I obsessed over it. What I’ve learned is that people love to be thought of and it doesn’t really even matter what it is. The best gift you can give to anyone is your time and attention. A Christmas card and note with a date for a coffee or a meal is wonderful to give or receive because that time spent together is a gift for all.

I’ve come to realize that this time of year makes people crazy. Whether it’s shopping or cleaning or get togethers with friends and family, people go off the deep end trying to schedule every moment of their time. I’m not saying I’ve got a ton of free space in my calendar or anything, but I don’t miss anything important. Remember those choices I referenced earlier?

We have a nasty tendency, especially this time of year, to spread ourselves way too thin. Then when things start slipping, we lose our minds, the psycho twitches start and we broadcast I’M BUSY DON’T ASK ME FOR ANYTHING messages to anyone within spitting distance. Ahhh busy. I could (and likely will) designate an entire entry to the word BUSY. Can’t stand the term actually. When someone tells me about how busy they are, it’s all I can do not to roll my eyes. I don’t want to get too much into this right now, but know that busy is a choice. Ok put the torches down. I can sense that little vein in your temple beginning to throb.

I want to ask you a couple questions:
1. Who controls what goes into and comes out of your calendar?
And before you start throwing your kid’s practices, lessons and games at me, remember who signed them up for those things in the first place.
I can’t speak to anyone’s calendar but my own because I don’t know what makes up your bag of life. So for example I have two girls in competitive dance and three kids in swimming lessons. That takes up roughly 7 hours per week, outside of dance competition season. That equates to 3 evenings and a partial afternoon for regular, run-of-the-mill weeks.
I own and operate a very successful business so I’m gone at least 2-3 evenings/afternoons per week with that. In between all that, I have meditation time, webinars, meetings, conference calls, personal growth/training time, coaching calls and customer calls. Even with all that, I still have time to do all the things I love to do with the people I love to be around. Sometimes our get togethers are spur-of-the-moment and sometimes they’re planned. Yes I have a full life and I sometimes have to schedule time to recharge myself, but the benefit of the lifestyle I choose to lead is that if I don’t like it, I can change it.
When it comes to planning your time, I suggest to plan as much as you can about a month out. Have a hard copy printed calendar that you can post on your fridge so everyone knows what’s what. My family commitments always go into my calendar first and then I pick my work days. The act of doing this alone is incredibly empowering because you get to choose where to allot your time. If you are in a position where you have to schedule your important commitments around your work, we should talk. For reals.
I’ve heard people talking (because I’m being talked to, not because I’m eavesdropping…well most of the time) and they run their kids to activities 7 days a week for HOURS at a time. While I can appreciate wanting kids to try different things, why so much all at once? I mean it would likely stress out all involved because there’s no time to just chill and I’m thinking it can be pretty expensive. I’m all for variety, but I have three house rules when it come stuff like this:
~ Swimming is non-negotiable. You must attend swimming lessons and learn how not to sink like a rock. Grandpa can’t swim and someone needs to be able to save him.
~ You may pick one activity at a time to try. If it’s a year long season (like dance), be prepared to see it through. If it’s a 3-5 month commitment, you may pick something new when the season is over.
~ Whatever you choose, you must complete the season. There is no quitting part way through because you don’t like it. My kids are held accountable for their choices and know that it would be incredibly selfish to leave your team high and dry.
So keep a pulse on your calendar. Downtime for everyone is essential for success in anything. Why fill your schedule so full that you stress about everything that you have coming up? You need to lead by example and make time to nourish yourself. A quiet coffee or glass of wine with a friend, journaling, cracking open that book you’ve had your eye on, having a nap in the middle of the day. If you don’t make the time to feed your mind and soul and catch some rest, no one will do it for you and it will catch up to you. It always does.

2. When is the last time you said no?
I was on an awesome webinar the other day and heard something brilliant. It was some learning around becoming Best In Class and operating at mastery with all you do. He said, “For the next 90 days I want you to spend your first 90 minutes of work time working on your #1 priority.” He went on to say that people are generally at their best at the beginning of their day. They’re fresh, full of energy and super lively. While I understand that not everyone is at their best first thing in the morning like I am, figure out when that time is for you. It’s true that we waste the best hours of our day doing things that don’t take us in the direction of our goals and dreams.
I think for the most part, we as a whole are people pleasers. We want to like people and we want (sometimes desperately) to be liked back and there are some that will go to extremes to make that happen. People fall into the trap of always saying yes to things even when they really don’t want to. They want to feel helpful, valued, needed. What actually ends up happening to those particular people is they get used, over and over again. They keep saying yes to things until their plate is so full, all the commitments are spilling over the edges and that person is nearing a breakdown because they can’t possibly get it all done. Sound familiar?
I’m going to blow your socks off here so prepare yourself. IT’S OKAY TO SAY NO. And you should. As a recovering people-pleaser I’ve learned that if saying yes won’t take me in the direction I want to travel, I gracefully decline. It doesn’t make me a bad person or selfish, it means that I care enough about me and the other person to say no because I likely can’t/won’t give them what they need. I don’t want to commit to something that doesn’t line up with my vision for myself and my future because I won’t be able give it all I’ve got if my heart isn’t in it.
Saying no to the things that don’t serve you leaves room to do all the things that do. If that sounds selfish to you, I promise you it’s not. I spent years on that particular battle and I was the only one that ended up disappointed. Being valued and being used are not synonymous so please ensure you familiarize yourself with the difference.

Practice gratitude on a daily basis. Every day you should write down 10 things that you are grateful for. I keep a journal and everyday I list 10 things. There are some days when I struggle to start because my headspace isn’t the tidiest, but as soon as I start writing, it starts to flow. I always come out of the daily exercise better than when I went into it. Gratitude gives you perspective.

Another great way to gain some perspective, especially this time of year, is to make it less about you and more about others. It’s even better if you can make it about someone you don’t even know. Sometimes the smallest act of kindness can change a path, alter a future. You don’t know what happens behind closed doors, you have no idea what people carry around in their bag of life. Approach situations with love and appreciation, especially with people you don’t know. Give to others what you desire for yourself.

This year, my family and I helped to gather money and items for a family of 9 that just needed a chance to get ahead. I ran an Adopt-A-Senior program and managed to give a slice of love and happiness to 45 seniors. And we managed to do it without having to put it in the calendar. We made the time to do these things because it was important and important things have a way of becoming a priority. Volunteer your time, buy someone a coffee or a meal, donate to the Food Bank or Santa’s Anonymous. Pay your blessings forward because even the smallest gesture can create a tidal wave of love.

The time is there if you decide to make it.