Adventures In Parenting

I am a mom of 3. What I find so interesting is that the kids are all so remarkably different. I know, you’re thinking that this is one of the dumbest things you’ve heard me say. Take my word for it when I tell you that I’ve said MUCH dumber things in my time. Like, really stupid. Anyhow, I digress. That’s not the point of this today.

3 kids from the same mom and dad. Same basic upbringing. Same rules. Same environment. Same opportunities. Same basic format for keeping them alive. And it’s astounding to me how fundamentally different they are. 

I have loved watching each of them grow, discovering the things they like, the things that light their souls up. We’re the kind of family that believes in trying as much as possible, even just one time. As responsible parents, we made them take swimming lessons, which they liked until they didn’t and then had to continue anyway until they finished. House rules. Water safety is mucho important. 3/3 have done toddler gymnastics and 2/3 tried their hand at a season of it, but the love for that fizzled out. 2/3 did Power Skating so that we could say our Canadian kids could actually skate. They all played soccer and I coached each of their teams. I have the pictures and t-shirts to prove it too. Only 1/3 liked it enough to continue playing past the tender age of 4. He’s a pretty good little goalie too. I can’t wait to get him back on the field.

2/3 started dancing at ages 7 and 3. The 3 year old danced until she was 8. She did a couple years developmental and then entered into the festival competition program. Her goal was to win a medal and win they did. Her team had a great season and at the end of it, she looked me dead in the eyes and said she was retiring a winner. Cool. She is now 13, living her best life reading all the books, sewing and creating and damn does she ever add beauty to this world. She is remarkable. The 7 year old is now 17 and just finished her 10th dance season. She comes alive when she moves, telling so many stories as she flies through the air, defying gravity.

3 kids. 3 very different paths of interest. And I love it, watching them follow the heart tugs as they figure out what feels right. I learn a lot observing this process of theirs. As adults, we let opinions, worry, practicality and the like keep us from following the little inklings we get. We say we have to do most things because it’s what keeps the bills paid. We say we have no extra time to do the things we dream of because there aren’t enough hours in the day. What we’re really saying without actually saying it is that we are choosing not to make it a priority. We are choosing comfort and familiar instead of joy and passion. But again, I digress. This is not my point today…this one deserves a revisit tho.

Their personalities have been night and day different since the very beginning and I guess that should have tipped me off to the fact that I shouldn’t get too confident in my parenting abilities. Just as I got one thing figured out with one babe, the next one made me rethink every decision I had ever made.  

For those of you with itty bitty wee ones, I want you to really absorb the time, the moments. Take a second, close your eyes and really commit to memory this time that you are in, be it good, bad or allllll the things. I promise that some day you will miss it. Changing diapers (weird but true), wiping faces and washing tiny hands, picking outfits and dressing little bodies, tying shoes, colouring pictures, getting the snacks, tea parties, playing wedding, park trips, piggy back rides, shopping in the tiny clothes sections of stores, answering no less than 84 questions that each prompt subcategory questions. You will miss packing around bags and seats and strollers and straps for a simple outing, the sticky kisses from adorably dirty faces, finding packs of wipes in every vehicle and bag you own (they come in handy for more than just diaper changes), sticking your hand between the seats in your SUV and touching God only knows what which then prompts you to spend hours cleaning and detailing the inside only to have it face the same fate in a matter of days because you said yes to nuggets in same said SUV (you’ll never learn). You’ll miss the ice cream dates, dinner time conversations where they tell you literally every single detail of their day and the 47 times you are up and down the stairs at bedtime for extra snuggies, water, monster checks, sore tummy, bathroom announcements and the inevitable “I dropped my teddy/stuffie/blanket/insert-item-here” scream that obviously is easier than just leaning down and picking the damn thing up themselves. You will even miss being followed into the bathroom. Believe me, I know how bananas that sounds, but I promise it’s true. Now it’s my dog that follows me in there. She sits and stares at me and makes it weird.

You never know when it will be the last time, but there will be a last time. You probably won’t even notice it at first until quite some time has passed and you wonder to yourself when the last time you did that thing was. Then, out of the corner of your eye you see a tiny human doing that very thing all by themselves and you smile wistfully to yourself, thinking just how fast they’re growing up and wishing time would slow the hell down. 

As the independence grows, I’ll admit that there are some pretty sweet perks. HOWEVER the one thing no book or parenting blog ever prepared me or any of us for is the demon spirit that takes over those sweet baby angels around tween time. I will be the first to admit that this time period for 2/3 (the last one isn’t quite there yet) has been one that we’ve moved through relatively unscathed, but I have friends that are deep in the demon trenches. I visit, call and text frequently and bring wine and I remind them how pretty they are. The thing about this phase is that there is no warning to it and there is no specific length of time that it hangs around. Some tweens go through this transition relatively seamlessly while others have no idea why they are feeling and acting the way they are. The body chemistry changes are tough and the effect on a mama’s heart is hard. 

Conversation starters that were once patiently answered (complete with obligatory eye rolls) are now gloweringly ignored with disgust because there is no point in discussing such trivial matters. Doors are slammed, boundaries are tested and tears are shed. Frustration ensues because there is little to no communication and said tween doesn’t give a shit how you feel about that.

I once heard this time in the adventures of parenting likened to launching a rocket (thank you Modern Family). You spend all this time learning, prepping and packing all the knowledge in and getting it ready for send off (baby to pre-tween years). All of a sudden it’s launch day and you’re second guessing literally everything you’ve done leading up to this moment. The rocket takes off (tween and teen time) and drifts off to the other side of the moon. You lose steady communication and you’re not entirely sure what’s happening, but you keep doing the work. You hope, wish, pray, love and everything in between, feeling somewhere in the depths of your being that one day, it’ll come around. But regardless of how long that takes and how hard and long the days get, you keep showing up because you know like you know that this is your life’s work and it will come back to you. And then one day out of the blue, it does. It doesn’t mean that it wasn’t hard because it was. Excruciatingly so some days. But it was worth it. 

For every child you are brave enough to raise up in this world, the experience will be different because, as we’ve established, they are fundamentally different people. Know who your village is and lean on them because, sweet mamas and papas, you do not have to go through any of this alone. Remember that they are good, sweet babes and need you extra in those tough moments when they aren’t appearing lovable or showing up as their best. There are moments in those deep trenches where I’ve told my kiddos that I love them so much, but I’m not liking them a whole lot. And then they tell me the same thing. Same same my little migraine. Same same.

Embrace the differences. Soak up every possible thing. Love them hard. 

And remember you are doing a good job.