Things I’ve Learned About People In 2023

Here we are at that time of year where we look back and observe the journey we’ve been on. It’s such a natural time for reflection, the calendar just lines it all up for us. We have this week in between Christmas and New Years where time seems to stand still. We don’t know what day it is and nothing really seems urgent enough to do anything. We have uninterrupted time for stillness, thoughtfulness, reflection, sorting. Interesting that it’s just built into our year so naturally. 

Have we grown? Have we done the things we set out to do? Conquered anything new? Have we achieved the goals we set at this time last year?  How do I personally define achievement? Are we in or close to the place we thought we’d be in when we looked forward to this moment a year ago? Are we happy with where we are? Do we feel good about who we’ve become/are becoming? Did we make the world a better place for someone? For ourselves? So many questions to consider, I could probably write an entire book of questions to ponder as the year begins to change over. 

For those of us that worry we’re “doing it wrong”, there are no wrong ways to answer any of those questions or any question for that matter. Our experiences are different. The lens we see the world through is different. And the way we measure success for ourselves is different. My year didn’t turn out at all the way I expected it to and I’m discovering that it’s not a bad thing at all. I didn’t anticipate any of what happened. It’s nice to know, after all these years, that I can still surprise myself.

As I look back on what was an enlightening year, I’m not disappointed by any of it because I learned so much. It was clearly time for me to pay closer attention to a few things that were more important than what I thought I needed to work on this year. What’s the saying about making plans and the universe laughs. Hang on, need to hit up the google…If you want to give the Universe a laugh, tell it all your plans. There we go. Thanks for your patience while I sorted that out. Back to my enlightening year. 

I’ve spent a lot of my time in quiet observation. I’ve been quiet here, on social and in person. I’ve spent so much time alone with just my thoughts. I’ve walked a lot. I craved solitude this year and it’s something I truly didn’t anticipate when I was imagining what 2023 would bring. I find myself stuck and unable to process a good chunk of it. I can’t seem to write about it or talk through it. One of the principles I use almost daily is following the tugs. If I feel pulled to follow something (a movement, a thought, etc) I do. Most of the time. Over the years I’ve figured out that’s one of the ways my intuition gets my attention. I’m far from perfect in my practices because there are times I’ve ignored those tugs and when it makes its way around again, it’s usually a lot less gentle.

When I started digging into that, it brought me to examining the relationships I have in my life. Looking at the people I spend time with, the people I communicate with. The ones that influence my life in some way. I try my hardest to see the best in people, even the ones that make it incredibly difficult. I always thought those people needed extra grace and love. 

In true PSB fashion, I have a list of the lessons I’ve learned about people and relationships in 2023. Not all encompassing, but I think I’ve covered my bases. Chances are you’ll have some of your own to add and there’s an even better chance that I’ll turn some of these into full posts at some future time. Some of them are likely things you’ve heard before so let them serve as reminders as we transition into a beautiful new chapter. 

• People will forget the things you’ve said, but they will never forget how you made them feel.
• Some people are married to the idea of their struggle because it defines them. It is not your job to point it out or change it.
• They won’t always do what they say they will. Learn for next time. 
• Stop showing up for people that don’t seem to be interested in your presence.
• There are people in your life that value “winning” over almost everything. Quality over quantity always.
• It’s okay to let go of the people that aren’t ready to love you. It will be one of the most important and difficult things you’ll ever need to do. 
• Let go of the drive to do everything possible to “earn” the appreciation of everyone around you. It steals your peace, time, health and energy. 
• Sometimes you need to go first to show others what is possible. Not everyone is going to understand at first and not everyone will follow you. It’s the way it’s supposed to be. 
• If you are ready to evolve, do it. Even if it means that you’ll have to let go of some people that aren’t ready or prepared to be with the new version of you.
• Some people are mean for the sake of being mean. It makes them feel good about some bullshit in their life and it usually has nothing to do with you. They’re not your people. Cut out accordingly. 
• If the only thing sustaining a relationship is the energy you put into it, it might be time to let it go. 
• The people you give your time and energy to will contribute to defining your existence. When you get to a place where you understand this, you’ll see why some people and places make you feel…off. 
• You are not responsible for saving anyone. You are also not responsible for convincing anyone of anything. 
• The truth is that you aren’t for everyone and everyone isn’t for you. 

It is your decision who and what you allow in your world. Truly. And the right decision won’t always be the easy one. It will be worth it in the long run. I know that we don’t talk about the grief that follows some of these changes, but I hope that someone somewhere will continue the conversation. The mourning that can come with having to stand strong in your decisions cuts deep. It’s not always what we want, but it’s necessary for our well-being.

I wish you peace, confidence, love and the space to decide what’s important. 

I wish for you the new year you need.