The Truth About Self Care

WARNING: It’s about to get real up in here. I am going FULL vulnerable for the purposes of sharing, educating and welcoming you into my world. If you have nothing nice to say, stop reading and move on. If you’re already smirking and forming judgements, stop reading and move on. Your behaviour and mindset are not welcome here. If you have ever been a hot mess at a yard sale whose daily goal is to be better than you were yesterday, your kids (and what comes out of their mouths) are highly unpredictable, you sometimes leave the house in shoes that don’t match and you and your life are a beautiful work in progress, you are my people and you should read this. And then share it with your besties. And then we should all go out for drinks and laugh the night away while we share tales that start with “OMG have you guys ever…???” My people. I’m swooning at the thought!

To the untrained eye, I appear to have my shit together. I get my kids to school on time, homework done, field trip forms in hand and birthday treats for the classes on those super special days. I have an office that is relatively organized. The husband calls it organized chaos. I call it the “It’s my office so I put things where I want” filing method. It works for me. I balance an entrepreneur, cell phone CEO career from wherever I happen to be that day with the day-to-day goings on of a mom, wife, friend, chauffeur, volunteer and whatever other title is bestowed upon me. It is a moving and shaking lifestyle that I truly adore because I have flexibility. I have freedom. I have choices. I have TIME. Do you know how amazing it feels to not be tied to any one spot? You should give yourself the chance to find out, it’s AWESOME. I am so fortunate for the decisions that have led me to this point. And believe me when I say luck had nothing to do with it. Luck is what uninspired people give as the reason for why things happen for everyone but them. 

There are people in this world that think they know me. Like, REALLY know me. Some of those same people use the word ‘perfect’ to describe how I roll and I’m 100% certain that it wasn’t given in a complimentary manner. I’m not saying that in some kind of false, humble-brag way. I legit could write a book about what not to do with your life. I don’t like the word much, mostly because it’s an illusion that people will damn near kill themselves trying to attain. The quest for perfection changed the course of my life 20 years ago and that’s not an experience I care to ever repeat. Those particular people probably don’t read this blog because:

1. They’re busy being busy so they can appear important and like they have their shit together.
2. They’re hustling for the wrong kind of attention from the wrong kind of people.
3. It’s not something that directly benefits them so they don’t pay much attention. 
4. They don’t know me as well as they think they do.

Before you start questioning my credibility here, yes I do feel like I can offer an opinion on this because at one time or another I have fallen into one of the first three categories. It’s not something I’m proud of, but it’s part of my story. And without the all experiences, good and bad, I wouldn’t be where or who I am today. 

The people that read the random musings I publish can see my cracks, my imperfections. You can tell (I hope) that I’m a real person with real feelings that screws up learns on the daily and do things that make me nervous excited so I can keep moving forward. The people that know these things see what I have to offer. They enjoy and love me BECAUSE of those imperfections, not despite them.

I can’t pinpoint exactly when it happened, but it’s like I woke up one day and I was different. All of a sudden, I felt lost. Unsure. Alone. Fearful. Unworthy. Not because I didn’t have support or that something traumatic happened. Best I can figure is that I just stopped paying attention to and doing the things that made me who I was. The daily grind was more about getting all the things done for everyone but me. My heart and head suffered. My business stopped growing. I tried to keep reading, but nothing would sink in. I was sad, tired, uninspired, angry. Nothing I wrote made any sense. I just didn’t want to do anything or talk to anyone that didn’t live in my house. And honestly, I don’t even know if any one noticed. If they did, they didn’t say anything. 

I smiled on the outside when all I wanted was to cry on the floor of my shower. I pushed myself to get out and be with the world and immediately wished I was hiding in my bed under the soft, warm blankets. I said yes to going out when I wanted to say no because I understand that too much alone time for me can be way too tempting of a cycle to break. I’ve been there before.

The thing about loneliness is it gets easy, familiar. I know the ebb and flow of my darkness. I know what’s laying in wait for me. There are no surprises in this place. I know the words and the stories that keep me stuck and afraid to venture too far. And sadly these demons are far easier to deal with than the ones that pretend not to be. I didn’t consciously choose to be in that place, I don’t think, but once you’re there, it’s tricky to move into new space. It feels almost like your mind is overtaken and your weaknesses are used to keep you frozen. Your brain and your thoughts are SO powerful. Everything you tell yourself has the ability to become a self-fulfilling prophecy. The decision to change your mental and physical state requires one act of courage and bravery. You need only do one thing to start the momentum. 

Self care is an interesting topic nowadays. Now more than ever, we are hyper aware of how we take care of ourselves. The concept of “me time” is something you see and hear about everywhere. I’ll be the first to admit that when the term self care was introduced to me, I pictured a woman in a bubble bath with cucumbers on her eyes and soft spa music playing in the background while she sipped on a cucumber water or a fancy glass of wine. That may be how you view(ed) it as well. I mean, that’s exactly how it’s portrayed on TV and in movies, Mother’s Day ads, holiday gifting campaigns. But you and I know better, right? And why is it only ladies in the ads? Men need me time too!

Self care is taking time to breathe properly. To take a shower or brush your teeth. It’s feeding your body and drinking water. It’s reading a good book, taking a class. Maybe it’s cooking an incredible meal because you CHOOSE to. It’s about resting your mind and your body. And sometimes self care is saying “Well done my beautiful Warrior. We will continue tomorrow.” When you take care of yourself, you are telling you that you are a priority and that you love and respect all that you are. I wish I had taken the time sooner to understand how important it is. You can’t be/do/share/have more if you are constantly empty.

There was a time where I thought it was selfish to make yourself a priority. It was like the more I put my own needs at the bottom of the ‘If I Get To It’ pile, the more I could look down on others that were making different choices. Through taking the time to work on loving myself, I now know differently. It’s because I love me that I am in my office writing all this at 6am.

I will leave you with this:

Today is a new day. Yesterday is done and cannot be changed. Tomorrow has not yet come. 

Wonder not about the time that has passed or that which has not yet been. 

Who are you today? What will you do today that will influence you? Influence the world?