The Power Of Parental Influence

It’s time for us to have a bit of a frank conversation. Parents with kids in sports (competitive or otherwise), the arts and anything in between, I really need to you hear (pretend I’m saying them out-loud to you) what I’m about to say. Your job as their PARENT is to know your place, your job and the role you play. In case you’re unclear about what that looks like, I’m going to paint a picture so clear that you’ll never forget again. Take a breath, settle in and really pay attention to what I’m sharing. I promise you that it’s important for the relationship you have with your child AND their mental health and general well-being. 

As I’m sure you know, I’m a mama of 3 kids with super different interests and I 100% adore watching them thrive in their favourite environments. The rule we’ve always followed is that they could try absolutely anything, but they had to see it through. They had to finish a term or season or whatever, they weren’t allowed to quit part way through. Lessons are everywhere *wink*.

There is something pretty special about watching your tiny humans grow into the spaces they love. It’s like getting a peek behind the curtain of their mind into something that breaks them wide open. We get insight into what makes them WHO they are. Authenticity is something that is spoken about a LOT nowadays and our children spending time in these environments is what helps to foster that growth. It shows them who they are and who they are becoming.

Your behaviour has the power to change how they feel about the things they love to do. Do not take your access to these spaces for granted. Do not ruin it for them. I have had the opportunity to play a number of different roles with all these activities over the years: coach, trainer, cheerleader, parent, liaison, board chair and a bunch of things in between. Each of these roles has offered me a unique perspective because it’s given me a chance to step into different spaces with fresh and curious eyes. I have watched kids start with wide eyes, love and passion for what they’ve chosen only to end up never wanting to step into those places again. 

Friends, in each of these (metaphorical and actual) arenas I have spent more time than you can even begin to imagine intercepting parents after their kids have finished a game, performance, show. For just a second, I want you to imagine your babe in those moments right after they step off the stage, field, ice, etc. Their adrenaline is high, emotions are raw. From the second they finish, they are replaying every single stride and moment and I can tell by their body language exactly what they believe to be true of themselves. They know every single thing they did right and they know what didn’t quite hit.

These are fragile moments. How they’re handled can mean the difference between the desire to keep moving forward and the resignation to quit. I would remind the parents and family members that their job is to cheer and love, not coach or criticize. That should be left to the people in those particular positions and before you tell me you pay for it so you get a say, no. You 100% do not. A parent’s job is to be IN their child’s corner for love and support. I encourage discussion, absolutely, as long as it’s done in the right way. Ask your child what they need from you and learn to hold your tongue. There is kindness, love and compassion in things left unsaid.

And let’s talk about the last couple of years. 2 years of different or a lack of training set a lot (most) back in more than a few ways, the most noticeable being mental development and maturity levels. From what I’ve noticed, the coping skills that were developing aren’t really there or they’re significantly behind. This time away has also done a major disservice to parents as well because their expectations seem to be higher than ever. High level sports and performing arts are intense enough, without any added parental pressure. When you put these things together, kids become tiny pressure cookers of feelings that either shut down or act out. 

They don’t have the tools to work through any of this, parents are “giving them space because of everything they’ve been through” and it leads to a boatload of shitty behaviour. I’m sure you’ve heard the saying that hurt people hurt people. I watch it happen daily with how they interact with the world around them and the people in it. The crazier part still is that this drama is being caused between and by the parents and it bleeds down to the kids because no one thinks enough to watch what they say in front of the kids. 

Adults, you are allowed to you have your feelings and thoughts on whatever you please. BUT expressing them to your already vulnerable kids is a no fly zone. Self doubt will lead to self loathing and if we are planting those seeds for our babies, it becomes like an infectious weed that you can’t get rid of. Don’t you think your tiny humans deserve better than a lifetime of self-confidence hang ups? 

Do not be the reason your child gives up on themselves. Don’t be the reason they believe they aren’t good enough. Remember that your behaviour has the power to change how they feel about themselves and the things they love to do. Please know your place. They aren’t you, this isn’t your childhood 2.0 and you shouldn’t live vicariously through their experiences. Give them the chance to do it their own way. Just because it’s different than how you might do it doesn’t make it wrong.

Smile, cheer, hug and love. Keep it simple xo