The Best

As I do most mornings, I had a mental health visit with my bestie today. It’s something we do a few times a week after the school drop off. We started calling them Mental Health Visits because when we finish our chat, we both walk away feeling lighter, refreshed and ready to take on anything life throws at us. This time we spend together has become super important to me. Some days the conversations are light and funny and other days we dig in pretty deep and we never seem to know what direction we’re headed until we’re sitting there, face to face. This girl and I have been through quite a bit together. We don’t always agree on things, but we have enough love and respect for each other that it’s ok. We both know that we are safe to be honest and share our thoughts without judgement or anger. I appreciate her openness and honesty more than she’ll ever realize.

She’s someone I can speak freely and openly with. We each listen to listen which isn’t a skill practiced widely these days. Even though we’ve known each other for about 8 years, we are still learning new things about one another. We met when my oldest babe and her youngest started kindergarten. They were in the same class so we’d see each other every day as we waited outside during the drop off and pick up times. It wasn’t a besties-at-first-sight situation, but rather something we built up over the years.

On this particular morning she was telling me about the conversation she had with her daughter. Her daughter recently changed schools, which is no easy feat at any age, let alone the chaotic, hormone-crazy age of 13. She’s doing so great at the new school, making friends and so far really enjoying the change. What’s hard is that her best friend still goes to the other school and, while they are seeing each other outside school hours regularly, she has started making some new friends. So the girls were hanging out and the friend’s phone is dinging away as messages come in. When asked who all the messages are from, she responds, “My new crew at school.” So the evening continues and after she goes home, my friend said you could see that something was on her girl’s mind.

She asks her what’s got her in a knot and her daughter, after giving it a bit of thought, responded that she was feeling like she was being replaced and that this girl was her BEST friend. Mom smiled knowingly (like moms do from time to time) and explained why her friend making some new friends was a really good thing. She also went on to tell her daughter that it’s okay to have more than one best friend. Her baby girl disagreed saying that BEST was BEST and that there could only be one of those. And, as most things do, this got me thinking.

Back when I was the sweet age of 13 (and by sweet I mean an emotionally unstable, she-devil, hormonally imbalanced crazy pants) the idea of having more than one best friend would have seemed nuts because I had the same thoughts as my friend’s daughter. Best was best and there could only ever be one of those. Friendships at that age were and are fluid because your social circle would change based on who you were hanging around with or any new people that you would come across. As I’ve grown older and wiser, I’ve learned how untrue that belief can be.

Some people go through life with one bestie and that’s awesome if it works for you. If you’re anything like me, you’ve collected a few over the years. I have friends that I have known for over twenty years. Clearly I met them when I was fresh out of utero. And I know what you’re thinking, but it’s rude to ask a lady (well ok, female? Okay, let’s just go with anyone) their age. All of these people that have come into my life are special in different ways and they each bring out a different side to me. There are probably only 4 people that have seen me at maximum dose and that’s because it is truly not for the weak spirited. Those peeps are my ultimate besties. They love me as unconditionally and whole-heartedly as I do them. And even though I may not see them often or talk to all of them every day, I couldn’t imagine my life without them. We can pick up right where we left off whether we’ve been apart for days, weeks or months. It works. Nothing is forced, it’s just the real deal all the time. They each help a different part of me shine.

There is incredible power in meeting people. They can truly enrich our lives, adding a spark, excitement or intensity to it that wasn’t there before or they can make us very grateful for what we already have. New people can help us discover a passion we never knew we had that leads to the betterment of ourselves and the world around us. Perhaps you inspire them to pursue something they once believed to be impossible. Either way, new people in our circles is a really great thing.

I suppose at the tender age of 13 there may only be room for one best with anything. She’ll learn in time, as we all do, that there is room in her heart for more than one bestie. Her tribe will grow to compliment her and enrich her time on this earth as she grows. We are built to love and be loved. Unconditional love is one of the best gifts you can give to someone, but she’s got lots of time to figure that out. In the meantime, we will show her what that looks like so that when the time comes, it’ll be like she’s known it all along.