An Open Letter To My Daughters

To my daughters, biological and of the heart.

I love you. With all of my heart. There is so much to share with you and there never seems to be a good time to get to it, so I’m going to immortalize the information for you. It will always be with you when you need, as will I. You’re growing so quickly that I feel sometimes I can’t keep up. While I understand that I can’t stop time, please slow down just a touch. Don’t rush it. Enjoy being a child, a young woman. Savour it. There will come a time when the years start to fly by and before you know it, you’ll be in your thirties watching your own kids grow up. Aging is inevitable, growing up is an option. Find a balance.

Being young today is different than it was when I was your age. Today’s 11 year old is the equivalent to a 15 year old girl from when I was growing up. Living in a society where kids aren’t kids for as long as I believe is necessary is hard enough. Add to that the pressures of your peer group, technology, social media and stereotypical bullshit, I’m often left to wonder what will become of today’s youth when they hit their thirties. But in terms of you lovely girls, the good news is I get a say in how you grow up. It’s my job to teach you how to enjoy your time at every age.

So let’s get to it…

Being My Daughter
Daughters are so precious. They’re tiny little bundles of adorable that you want to dress up and squeeze and love because they are so much better than a Baby Alive doll. They don’t always like said activities, but consider these mini-fashion shows a right of passage for me. Over the years, I have “adopted” the kids of my friends as children of my own that will always hold a special place in my heart so remember that just because I may not have birthed you doesn’t mean I don’t love you like I did. As my daughter, please understand that we aren’t going to agree on everything…as you get older we will likely agree on nothing (but I’m hoping that stage doesn’t last long). It’s ok to be assertive with me, but never mean or hurtful. I have feelings too. To be honest, I’m raising adults not children so no you won’t always get your way. Make peace with that. Remember that I’ve been where you are, struggled with the same or similar things and I might even be able to help you work out whatever is on your mind. Ask and be open to hearing an honest answer. I’ll never lie to you, but I will give you an age-appropriate truth. We have a responsibility to each other: Love, Respect, Honesty, Trust.

Being A Girl
It’s not always easy. Girls aren’t always nice to each other. It baffles me really. When you get down to the heart and soul of it all, we’re all sisters. Sisters should love and support one another. But I understand that this isn’t usually the case. Choose to be better. Don’t sacrifice someone for your happiness because in the long run, you’ll regret it. I speak from experience.
Treat your fellow women how you want to be treated and understand that they will treat you how you allow them to treat you. Higher expectations will produce higher results and the good ones will usually rise to the occasion.
I hate the old “don’t be such a girl” or “you run/throw/scream like a girl” stereotypes. I honestly don’t know how they ever came about because being a girl shouldn’t be anything negative. Work to redefine it. Being a girl is amazing! Don’t use it to get your way because that’s not cool. Know how to change a tire or your engine oil. Play sports if you want to. Be strong, empower yourself and the women around you. It’s ok to want to be a princess, but be one that isn’t afraid to get a little dirty. Break the societal mold. Future generations will appreciate it.

Having Friends & Being A Friend
Value quality over quantity.
Have love for everyone. You don’t always have to like everyone. I know I don’t. But I make the choice to accept people for who they are, love them for where they are at and move on. Sounds simple, but the execution of this can be tricky. Practice it often and you’ll be surprised at how quickly you get the hang of it. By loving on all those that you meet, the world is a brighter and better place. It’s called being a good human being. And you’ll have much less baggage to haul around. Choose to offer a hand up instead of turning your back. Just because you choose not to see something doesn’t mean it isn’t really there. Like I said, be a good human.
You can have more than one friend at a time. I know this can sometimes be tough when you’re younger, but I promise you it is possible. Your friends may not all like each other or get along and that’s ok too. Be respectful of that. Don’t try and force people to be friends. If they want to, they’ll make the move. It’s not up to you. Respect their wishes as you would like to have yours respected, but don’t let their hang-ups hold you back.
Never say something to anyone about a person that you wouldn’t say to their face. Mean things have a way of making their rounds and, as they usually do, words can be twisted.
Don’t say you like something because your friends like it. Be cool with having different interests. Be a leader, continue to pave the way for different to be cool. The world would be much too boring if everyone was the same.
Surround yourself with and befriend people that challenge you to be better, encourage you to take the road less travelled. You will be better for it.
Don’t be the person that hurts others. Be the one that everyone loves to be around, the one that fills the cups of those around her, the one that lifts people to a higher level just because you inspire it in others by how you carry and conduct yourself.

Relationships
Relationships come in all forms: romantic, friendly, professional, courteous. You are going to meet so many different people over the years. Some you will form an instant connection with that will last a lifetime. Others may take time to build. Not all relationships are meant to last. Some people come into your life because you are meant to teach them something or perhaps they are meant to teach you. Right people come when you’re ready. Wrong people come anyways. When people leave your life remember that it is only to make room for something remarkable.
You will meet someone someday that weaves their way into your heart. You will fall in love. You may also fall out of love. You will get your heart broken (and it won’t always be because of a romantic relationship). It’s ok. It stings and it sucks, but it happens. Take the lesson, be grateful for the time you had with that person and move forward. This is where your besties, sweet movies and a big ‘ol bucket of ice cream will come in handy.
Just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to doesn’t mean they don’t love you with everything they have. To get love you must also give it. But learn the difference between love and lust. They are not the same thing.
Don’t ditch your friends for a boy or a girl.
Please be graceful with the endings. Everyone deserves to be treated with dignity and respect. Make it a personal rule to leave people better than when you found them, regardless of how they behave towards you.

Respect
When you give respect, you will get respect. If you don’t give it, you don’t get it. Respect our world and the people and creatures in it.
When you respect yourself and your body, others will follow suit. You are the one that sets the tone and pace of how you want the world and the people in it to view, perceive and treat you. That, my darlings, is the brilliance of self respect. Everything starts with you.

Honesty & Integrity
Make it a goal to be better today than you were yesterday. The only person you are in competition with at any time is the person you see staring back at you in the mirror.
You are nothing without your integrity so I urge you to always say what you mean and mean what you say.
Honesty is always the best policy, but there may be circumstances that require a gentle touch when delivering it. There is a difference between being honest and being mean so please tread lightly with delicate situations.
Be true to yourself. Be honest with yourself. Hold yourself to a higher standard. It will take you far in this life and future ones.

Your Body
Your body is your own. It truly is your temple. No one owns it or you. Treat it with love, dignity and respect. It will thank you by staying strong for many years to come.
It can be confusing to live in a body that is constantly changing. Embrace it and learn from your young age to love yourself. The world we live in today puts so much focus on the female form and that attention isn’t always good, necessary or wanted. There will be people that want you to look and dress a certain way. Be yourself and don’t give a red hot damn what anyone else says. Those people will try to influence you, bend you to their will. Say no and stand strong. And be confident in your choice.
Being beautiful and confident doesn’t make you a snob, slut or bitch. Be bigger than the hurtful words that will someday be aimed in your direction. Know that you are better than all of it and choose to rise above it all. There is no need to retaliate for the people saying those things to or about you are already hurting enough. Smile and walk away.
Never forget that no means no. Respect someone’s no as you would wish yours to be respected.
Embrace your curves, love your athletic build. Being slim doesn’t mean you have an eating disorder. Having curves doesn’t mean you’re fat. The hell with people and their opinions. Choose to love yourself, whatever shape or size you may be. But be healthy. Eat well, exercise, make triple as many good choices as you make bad. It’s important to have a good relationship with food and drink so make sure to enjoy it all in moderation.

Social Media & Technology
Both of these are brilliant additions to our world when used properly. Sadly I don’t see a lot of kids your age being taught how to use it respectfully. I challenge you to be a leader in all fields. Again, set the tone. Be someone who shares love, positivity and beautiful change with the online world.
Don’t hide behind a keyboard. Pick up the phone and have a conversation with someone. Meet for coffee or dinner or a walk in the park. You can’t have a relationship with someone over text messages. You have a personality, share it with people.
Don’t air your dirty laundry online. This is something you REALLY need to take to heart. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram are not avenues for playing the Who’s Got A Better Life game. They’re not tools to create animosity or to be cruel and mean. If you’re upset with someone, talk to them about it in person or in a live conversation. Tone of voice doesn’t always relay well when words are typed.
Things don’t ever disappear online. Once it’s up, it’s made a forever footprint. Be cautious about what you post online, be it words or photos. I fully understand that your accounts are yours and freedom of speech still exists, but that doesn’t mean everyone needs to know your opinions on Every. Single. Thing. Be choosy and selective with what you have to share and set the bar very high. As much as I hate to admit it, the world and the people in it will judge you based on what they see. Be aware and mindful of that fact. Besides, I know you are much more fabulous in person. Be you, be real. Stay you, stay real.

Your Identity
The fundamentals of who you are will never change. Likes and dislikes will alter over time, but your morals and values shouldn’t. These two things are the foundation for everything upon which you exist. Don’t ever compromise either of them. I can assure you that as the years pass things will arise to test you, tempt you. Do yourself a favor and take the high road. No thing or person will ever be worth it. And once the damage is done, you may never be able to recover from it. That is a promise you can take to the bank.
Don’t change who you are to suit anyone. People will either love and appreciate you for who you are or they won’t. If they don’t, just move on. Please don’t feel like you need to be anyone other than who you are. You are an incredible work in progress. Love it and OWN it. Those who are worth your time will love you as you are. If someone tries to change you, hear the alarm bells. That said, remember that it’s not your responsibility to change anyone else. Appreciate the people in your life for who they are and for what you bring out in each other. Live to inspire. Live your dreams out loud.

Experiencing Life
You’re always going to be at an age where you are approaching or experiencing a change of some sort. Understand that change can be a great thing. It fosters learning, bending, acceptance, growth. Change will challenge you, but it will not break you. Change inspires mastery and innovation. It allows us to grow into ourselves. Don’t like how things are going? Change it. It won’t always be easy, but it will always be worth it. These transition periods will take you on adventures that I can’t even begin to describe to you. Through these adventures, you will experience your life.
Every day and everything you do can be an adventure if you want it to be. Be grateful for each day you open your eyes, every sunrise and sunset, the way the flowers smell. Take it all in. It’s the little things that you’ll remember forever.
Be brave. Be courageous. Use your voice. Do not let your fears hold you back. They are an illusion. You hold the pen, write the fears out of your story.
Spend time with children. You will have an opportunity to see the world from a different set of eyes. I love taking you for walks because you help me see so many things that I may have otherwise missed.
Spend time with the elderly. Our world has changed so much. Hear about it from another perspective. It will be an investment in you and a way to encourage a new relationship. You will gain a new appreciation for our older generation and you’ll both enjoy the time together.
Don’t be busy being busy. Take time to just exist. Go to the park and play on the swings, lay on a beach, roll down a grassy hill. Take yourself to dinner, see a movie with subtitles. The possibilities are endless!
Don’t be so busy making a life that you forget to live it. I know it sounds funny, but I’ve seen it happen. And you’re never too young to start paying attention to it all.

You’ll notice a consistent message in everything I’ve mentioned above. I know that you may not understand all of this right now (or the future letters that will inevitably follow this one), but the words and their meaning will grow with you. Be the wonderful, strong, confident women I know you are. Be kind to the world and the humans and creatures that exist in it. Help a stray cat or dog, pay a kindness forward, try different activities and things, be a beacon of light wherever you go. Be a source of strength. You can do absolutely anything you want, but you have to decide to start. I am already so very proud of you and excited to see how you will change our world.

And never forget that I love you more xoxo.