Being Open

On my quest for self awareness, growth and knowledge, a unique opportunity presented itself to me. Before I get into it, I should probably explain that I believe in things like energy, auras, past lives, spiritual beings and many things in between. I believe this universe is perceptive, powerful and provides you with direction, if you’re open to noticing the signs and truly learning how to follow your intuition. I believe that meditation can help you on so many levels. I have a couple friends/family members that refer to it as my (their words) “hoodoo-voodoo stuff”. Makes me giggle when they say it. I don’t find it the least bit offensive because we all have different belief systems and we respect that about each other. It makes for some pretty great conversations and, once in a while, some fairly heated debate topics. I’m all about open-minded living. I was introduced to this realm many years ago by someone very special to me who, when I asked about it, gave me her perspective and then gave me the space to explore what felt right to me.

Onwards with the story…a friend of mine took an Energy Workers course and completed her Akashic Records Practitioner program. If you’re not familiar with what that is, you can google it. It’s a real thing, I promise. What’s interesting about this is that it’s not psychic (predictive) or mediumship (speaking to loved ones that have moved on) type readings. This deals with soul-level stuff. Rather than attempting to put it into my own words, here is the basic definition of what this is: “The Records are an experiential body of knowledge that contains everything that every soul has ever thought, said and done over the course of its existence, as well as all its future possibilities.” (Linda Howe). Awesome, right? Because your soul has existed before this current time period, it makes for some interesting learning. For example, some of my traits and behaviours aren’t like those of anyone else in my family that I know of and while I have appreciation for most of them, I’ve always been curious to know where they came from.

Have you ever felt like you just know something or someone, but have no idea why? Perhaps a circumstance feels familiar to you, but you can’t figure out any reason why it would. There have been times for me where that feeling of déjà vu is so strong it’s almost overwhelming and I know logically that it’s not possible. The very definition of déjà vu is a feeling of familiarity, a feeling of recollection and can be expanded into déjà vécu which is the feeling of having already lived through something. For as long as I can remember, I’ve been drawn to my desire to understand why it happens, where it comes from and what it all means.

One of the messages that kept coming through was around being authentic, not trying to fit into anyone else’s mold. As I reflected on that, it occurred to me that there are only a handful of people that truly know me, the full-strength version that I know, love and work on daily. Many get a watered down version because I’m scared that if I am who I am, they won’t like me. It’s crazy to think that this crap still happens when I’m well into my thirties but it does and it feels worse now than it did when I was in high school. Teenage girls have nothing on adult women. Rejection stings.

I like to observe situations and the people in them because you can learn a lot about people if you learn how to pay attention. It’s easy to figure out who the natural leaders or dominant personalities are. They are the ones that the other people tend to try and emulate. Without even noticing, you pick up buzz words or actions that someone like that tends to use and before you know it, those mannerisms and phrases become part of you. For a lot of people, it’s an easy adjustment. For others, it’s almost uncomfortable because it’s not a natural piece of who they are. Those particular people seem to be the ones that are confident with who and what they are.

As it turns out, there is a name for what I am that explains a lot about how I think and feel. I’m an empath. Being an empath is being affected by other people’s energies and having the ability to intuitively feel and perceive others. It’s more than being highly sensitive and extends to more than just emotions. Life is unconsciously influenced by the wishes, desires, moods and thoughts of others. They are able to perceive physical sensitivities and spiritual urges in addition to knowing the motivations and intentions of other people just by being around them. The crazy thing about being an empath is that you either are an empath or you aren’t. These aren’t learned skills. They are fundamental hard-wired traits. Because of this, an empath can experience things like unexplainable aches and pains, chronic fatigue and environmental sensitivities that are most likely due to external influences, simply by being out in the world amongst other people.

I felt a huge sense of relief being able to learn and be aware of why I feel and react the way I do. It makes me feel less…crazy I guess. It was a fascinating experience that made both her and I pretty emotional. At the end of our time together, I took a deep breath and felt peaceful. And that feeling has stayed with me since then. I take being hard on myself to a whole new level. The expectations I have for myself are far beyond what I would ever encourage for any other living being and it’s certainly something I need to work on. I need to learn to love myself in the way I am able to love others and I feel that, in some way, I’ve been given the permission to do that.

I am responsible for what I see and what I feel. Perhaps it’s time to take responsibility, love my past and release it to the universe. It’s time for the next chapter in my story.